I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
