marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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