It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
