To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
