bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
