Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
