I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
