glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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