Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
