apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
