Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
