I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
