I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
