I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
