I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
