we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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