I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
