She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
