It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
