I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
