He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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