I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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