oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
