so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
