Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
