I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
