I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
