I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
