I could have mohawked her pubes.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
