so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
