Im at strip club and am horny
Swine flu. Run for my life!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
