I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
