somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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