marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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