i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
