When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Actions speak louder than pants.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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