I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
