Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
