i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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