Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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