...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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