were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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