evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
