North Korea, Best Korea!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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