Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
