Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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