I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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