There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
