you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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