why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
