In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
