Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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