you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
pray to the hookup gods
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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