so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it's like iHOP with fire
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
