Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
