so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
