i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
