Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
