its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
