If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
